Balanced Because Of You
by bs4ever1
Summary: This is my opinion of the letter that buffy wrote spike! please review!!!! spuffy all the way


Hi everyone!!! This is my first every fic on fanfiction as please go easy on me. I am from the U.K and we are 3 episodes behind America so while buffy has ended over there, I have just watched the newest episode over here which was "Touched" and I don't know about the rest of you but I was shouting and yelling at the TV for SOME SPUFFY ACTION. I know that there was some but once you get some, you just want more!! Well has you can't guess I am a spuffy shipper and I know what happens in the end and I can't wait to see it!! I cried every reading about it! So own with the spuffy!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the wonderful and terrific Joss does so please don't sue me!  
  
This is the letter that buffy wrote to spike and left on the pillow. I noticed that it was pretty long and I know some people say that it just said that she was going to the vineyard but it was kind of long so here my in take of it. Please review!!!! Please review!!! I beg of you please review!!!  
  
Spike.  
  
My heart pounds against my chest as I write this. I'm sorry for leaving again but you gave me something that I can use to help the people I love, Even if they don't love me. You know life is a funny thing you don't know where it will take you, when it will end and last time I wasn't really prepared but now I am. As I said before begin a slayer changed me in more ways than one. For the last couple of years I have stood strong not to let any one in, to know the true me, I don't even know the true me anymore. The slayer part me came and fought for the right of my body and won. But for some reason you saw me like no other, you brought the true me out again. And slayer hide in humiliation. A vampire without a soul. (At the time) Not her friends Not her first love Not her watcher But you saw me for what I was and who I am. A balance between the both of them. Both slayer and woman. Not just slayer And not just woman But both and that scared them both. When angel left I knew I could never let anyone near me again no-one could get hurt for that's what I do. I hurt the people I love. First angel Then riley Then mum Then dawn Then you Then willow Then you again Then xander Then you AGAIN! Quite a long list don't you think?? Quite a lot of pain for some little girl? But now because of you I'm not some little girl anymore,  
  
I'm both the slayer and Buffy Ann Summers, just a girl looking for a normal life.  
  
I know now that I will never get it, not because of this war but because now I have truly accepted who I am all because of you. Yes, you Spike. And I thank you for that. People leave me, maybe cause I am a cold hearted bitch or maybe they are scared of me but you have stayed by me though it all. You beat Angel, Riley, Xander, Giles everyone I know because they all left me sometime in my life, you left me but came back each time with new surprises for me and to help me. You got your soul back for me and for your self and even though I might not show it sometimes I am proud to be your friend or what every we see each other as. Yes I said "we" Cause I do feel something for me, you have cracked the walls around my heart so may times. I do care for you and although you may say "bollocks", "bloody hell, slayer" or "what about gel boy" I am not lying. Angel was my first love and back then I was more in touch with the girl than the slayer and she still holds him dear in her heart but the slayer doesn't. But the only thing I have in common with both is you, I hold you dear in both my hearts and that is why you have helped me so much recently cause slowly I am becoming balanced and truly happy for once inside since I don't like forever. You gave me the strength in body and in mind to fight Caleb. And now I must do so. Thank you, Spike for so much And very soon when I have finally become balanced you can finally break down the walls around my heart see the true me for the first time ever.  
  
Buffy Ann summers, the slayer  
  
Thanks every one so much!!! You know I might start a series 8 of buffy of when spike comes back I don't know I am pretty crap writer but if I get at least some reviews I might so please review. Yes you see that button down there yep the one that yes review press it!!! Flames or nicer ones!! Please press it I said press it!!! Please? 


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